A few years ago, I would not have imagined that I would be writing such an essay. I thought that I would finally be content with the work at my new job, able to finally breathe after years of employment instability and uncertainty. I found research work invigorating, and my job gave me just that. After all, being a librarian requires a desire not just to acquire knowledge but to seek it. There's a craft in finding the proper sources, trailing the provenance, ensuring that the connections that led you to the source do not get lost because the journey – how the information was created to how one acquires the information – matters. As we live in a time where results are expected to arrive once the 'Enter' button is pressed, we forget all the steps it took to get to that answer. The art of finding information seems like it has been lost, but as we know, is not true. Otherwise, I would not be hired where I am, helping a lot of high-stakes venture leaders and ensuring they are provided with not just any sources, but the correct ones to supply their reports. They appreciate the time it takes to get those answers, and the critical analysis to support how those answers are found. There is value in what I do. There is value in research. However, as we also experience today, that value continues to be undermined, and it comes down to those individuals to constantly prove its significance when it comes to being used outside of profitable purposes. Why is it acceptable to value research work when it comes to a job, but not acceptable to value research when it comes to education, for the sake of learning?

My workplace also supports the notion that certain subjects, particularly engineering and sciences, are valuable because of their ability to produce capital at scale. We hire top PhD students and top engineers in the field. Yet, when it comes to finding people that work in humanities, we outsource the task, or view it as secondary. Never mind that one of our most adaptable directors has an English PhD (who was hired by referral, otherwise our firm would never actively seek someone with a non-technical background), proving that people with this expertise are more than capable of doing the hard work. The constant chasing and valuing of only people with skills that can be capitalized on has been draining for me. 

A way that I have dealt with this is by pursuing my own interest in humanities work. On slow days, my job leaves me with time to research and explore on my own, which is something that I do appreciate. This essay, after all, is not about my job, but how my job led me to where I am now: starting a PhD program in History, investigating ways that the working-class shaped public libraries. Being in my current role gave me the chance to realize that my innermost desire to pursue higher education laid dormant in my prior library jobs. So much of my time prior had been focused on just surviving. Admittedly, my interest in this topic stemmed from my own experience, as I question myself everyday how I managed to end up where I am in my career, as the only person among my peers (all from top-rated private colleges or Ivy Leagues) who came from a 'lower tier' public state university.

Choosing to do a higher degree in a subject that many deemed unimportant was a risk that I could not take before, until I finally had the mental capacity and clarity to do so. When I embarked on my journey for my MSc in History in 2022, I told myself that I would be doing it to see how far I could go. Here was my chance to produce original research about a topic I've been curious about, and it was all inspired by everything that I'd experienced firsthand in the past decade. 

I knew deep down, however, that I wanted to do well in my MSc program not just for my own sake, but because I wanted to go beyond it. I knew then that I would not stop with the MSc. Honestly, I looked at the requirements for a PhD even before I applied and set the goal for myself to meet those minimum requirements so I would have a chance. Throughout the program, I was given so much incredible support and reassurance that I realized I could pursue my research further. Once I graduated with the goal I set for myself, I knew the PhD had to come next. There was no question – after all, what did I do all this for, if it was not to prepare me for the next step?

But that decision did not come easy. I knew that embarking on a PhD program was something totally different. It would require more time and dedication than my MSc ever did. So, in the year after I graduated, I set my own goal for myself: expand on my research, continue to learn. In that year, I wrote and submitted a paper for publication and even took a course in literature just for the hell of it. I sought advice from my peers and mentors. I joined scholarly communities to keep me accountable. I found communities – such as Scholar Square – that supported learning for learning's sake, and encouraged me that ultimately, pursuing a PhD, even if it's my own personal goal for myself, is something worth doing. I finally applied for a PhD program earlier this year and received news of my acceptance just last May. I will officially start my program this September and am looking forward to finally starting my journey.

My program will be done via distance learning online, which would enable me to stay in the United States and continue to work. On some occasions, I'd be required to visit the university and do research, but most of my studies will be done at home. However, by selecting the option of doing my PhD by distance, as I had done my MSc, my funding sources are limited, and I will be funding my studies by myself. As a distance, international student, I am also subject to international fees and thus will also face some restrictions on available scholarship funding through my university.

I am writing this essay to seek support for funding of $500 that will go toward payment of my first year of tuition for my PhD program at the University of London. Although I currently am employed while I pursue my studies, any additional support would help due to a few factors: I am a self-funded student and I am also helping to provide for my family, and as the cost of living in California continues to rise, much of my expenses have gone toward my partner and I's most recent rent increase. Any financial assistance can immensely help relieve some of the stress that comes with my first year's tuition payment.

If I am chosen to receive funding, I plan on applying the entire amount towards tuition. I will be planning on paying my tuition through installment plans, with my first payment due prior to registration in September, and my second payment due on 15 November.

The funding would greatly help me in the early stages of my PhD studies and would also frankly be reassuring, even validating, if I am honest. It is difficult to quantify the value of knowledge work, but receiving such a grant would help me feel encouraged that my research, in that of working-class people shaping intellectual spaces, is something worth pursuing further. Choosing to do a PhD is, as I see it, my own act of rebellion, given how the skills I have (that would otherwise be viewed as secondary to my peers that excel in the sciences and engineering) are valued at work, but not beyond it. Such an award would be a way of assuring me that my skillset matters beyond my labor. Thank you for your consideration.